RWBY City Undercover
by Lewot
Summary: It's been two years since Weiss McCain left RWBY City under a cloud. Now that Rex Torchwick has escaped, she is needed once again. But which will crack first - the case or Weiss's sanity? Semi-crack fic with Ruby as Natalia.
1. Return to RWBY City

"A warm welcome to all you listeners who've just tuned in. You're listening to the sizzlin' sounds of RWBY City Radio, and let me tell ya, that the forecast for today is hot, _hot_ , HOT!"

 _"Ooooooooooh yeah...!"_

* * *

 **R** _ **t**_ presents...

A fusion fic...

 **RWBY City  
Undercover**

* * *

 _"I used to think maybe I'm lonely, now baby I'm sure..._

 _And I just can't wait till you take a gun-scythe to my door..._

 _Mirror tell me something... whoa-oh!_

 _Mirror tell me something... whoa-oh!_

 _Mirror tell me something... whoa-oh-oh-oh!_

 _Why don't I feel good?_

 _Hey!_

 _Allll right-now..."_

With a whoosh of air and a crackle of plastic, Myrtenaster reduced the radio to its component bricks, some of which inevitably collided with Weiss's person. Stowing the rapier, she watched with absolutely no satisfaction as the brick tally on her HUD trickled up by a few points.

"I hate that song," she explained to the ship's captain, who was the only other person in the room.

The captain - let's not be coy about this, he's the Dust shop guy - raised an eyebrow at her questioningly.

"Of course it's me," said Weiss irritably, "that's why I hate it."

Deciding that it would be best to change the subject, the captain gestured out the front window at the impending RWBY City skyline.

Weiss looked vaguely upward, her eyes glistening with flashbacks. "An old acquaintance... A promise to keep..." Her brow furrowed. "A score to settle."

Shaking his head rapidly, the captain pulled out a paper and pen, brandishing them purposefully.

Weiss grinned mischievously. "Maybe neither; maybe both."

The captain slapped his forehead with the paperwork.

Suddenly, the boat jerked, sending them both tumbling to the ground. A loud, metallic scraping noise indicated nothing good.

As they both climbed back to their feet, the captain waved his hand dismissively and took hold of the wheel. Yanking it to the right, he pulled the ship away from whatever it had hit.

Weiss was certain that she heard a Wilhelm Scream from somewhere out on the deck.

Turning to look back at her, the captain smiled widely. Then he heaved the top of the wheel left and let go, causing it to make several full rotations. Weiss toppled over again.

This time, along with screams, there came splashes, crashes, and police sirens. It felt like the boat turned at least ninety degrees in less than its own length of forward motion.

Weiss, lying flat on her back, spotted a loading crane through the window. They were at the dock.

* * *

"- have my father yank your license and buy every boat you've ever set foot on just to crush them into scrap!" Weiss ranted passionately as she made her way down the ramp. The captain shook his fist angrily in reply.

Turning to look where she was going, Weiss spotted the mayor and his entourage standing mere feet away. She stopped, brushed the dust off of her skirt, took a deep breath, and forced on a smile. Then she continued toward them.

"Mayor Ozpin," she greeted as she arrived, and she performed a polite curtsy.

Ozpin wore a small but more sincere smile as he stared down at her. "Thank you again for returning to us, Miss McCain. I understand how difficult this must be for you."

Glancing moodily back at the ship captain, Weiss muttered, "You don't know the half of it."

Ozpin looked slightly amused by this, but chose not to comment on it. In a contemplative tone, he instead began, "I'll... keep this brief. Rex Torchwick has escaped and is at large in RWBY City."

"What?!" said Weiss, knocking down a random passerby with a dramatic hand swipe. "Is Ruby okay?"

"Miss Qrowalski is fine for the time being," Ozpin replied. "She's under witness protection. However, given her, ahm..." The mayor shifted the position of his cane while searching for the right words.

"Complete lack of social skills and disregard for her own safety?" Weiss suggested.

"For a start," Ozpin nodded. "The sooner we put this matter to rest, the safer she, and the rest of the city, will be."

Weiss stroked her chin nervously. "Can I at least talk to her?"

"I will make the necessary arrangements," said Ozpin. "But if you truly wish to protect Ruby, you must find Rex Torchwick and bring him to justice." He paused for effect before adding, "Again."

The mayor turned and took several steps toward his limousine, but then stopped to look back at Weiss again. "Miss McCain, this city is in the grip of a crime wave."

As he spoke, several men swept in and swiftly removed the tires from the limo, running off in the short time it took him to turn toward the car again. The last one briefly returned to rip the clothes off of the chauffeur, who then attempted to hide his underwear from view behind his top hat.

"Really?" said Weiss sarcastically. "I hadn't noticed."

Ozpin, looking at her once more, again appeared more amused than upset at the display. "The rise in criminal activity coincides with Torchwick's escape." Then his expression and tone turned more serious. "I trust you to put an end to this, Weiss. But first, please check in at the station."

Weiss nodded. "Of course, sir."

Ozpin, for some reason, climbed into the wheel-less limousine. The chauffeur, looking very confused, hurried inside as well, and the car took off, bumping and scraping along the ground as the axles tossed around the bricks that they had been balanced on. Somehow, this resulted in enough forward motion for the car to drive away.

Watching it move off the dock and onto the pavement, Weiss spotted a police car parked there. She began walking toward it, and determined it to be empty.

Weiss cracked her knuckles as she approached. "Finders keepers," she said smugly.

* * *

Weiss pulled what remained of the car into the station's parking lot. Stepping off of what amounted to a flat piece with only the steering wheel, tires, and exposed engine still attached, she spared a glance back at the road behind her.

Detached bricks were scattered everywhere, those furthest away flashing and about to disappear. Portions of cars lay overturned along either side of the road, many crushing decorative shrubbery, one wrapped around a tree and another sticking out of the broken window of a shop. Fountains of water sprouted where fire hydrants used to be. One particularly unfortunate man hung by one hand from the giant rotating donut in front of the Pumpkin Pete's bakery next door to the station, his legs flailing uselessly. As Weiss watched, a dented street lamp fell over into the middle of the road, its light bulb letting off a terrific spark as it broke upon impact.

Weiss turned back to the station, smiling at how much her driving had improved since she had left the city. "Not - too - shabbeh," she said to herself encouragingly.


	2. The Grunt and the Chief

Walking toward the station doors, Weiss was unable to ignore the towering pile of donut boxes teetering its way in the same direction. An unfamiliar officer was attempting to carry them in.

"Out of the way, grunt," Weiss said as she passed, shoving the officer to the ground, in turn burying him under the boxes.

"Oops!" came his voice from under the pile. His head poked out. "I'm okay!"

"I don't care," said Weiss.

"Wait..." The officer squinted at her. "You look familiar..."

Weiss stopped, not one to let recognition pass her by.

The boyish cop gasped. "You're - you're Weiss McCain! _You're a legend!_ "

"Finally," said Weiss, "some appreciation."

The cop slicked back his hair, slid over to her, and stood much too close. "The name's Jaune Honey. Short, sweet, great with waffles, ladies love it."

"I'm sure," Weiss said, grabbing him by the face and pushing him away slowly.

Jaune, undeterred by the distance, assumed an excited puppy-dog stance and asked, "Is it true you brought down Rex Torchwick?"

"Yes," said Weiss, "yes it is, but _someone_ decided to take credit for _my_ hard work."

"Wow," Jaune squeaked. "Real inter-office politics! This job is even more exciting than I thought!"

"Whatever," said Weiss, waving a hand impatiently. "After you pick up these donuts, you'd better show me around this new station of yours."

Jaune clasped his hands together and raised his eyebrows, purring seductively.

"You know what, never mind, I can find my way around -"

"No, no, I _don't_ want to be rude!" Jaune said with enthusiasm. "Please - right this way."

Weiss groaned reservedly.

* * *

Inside the station, as Jaune went to deliver the donuts, Weiss took a moment to dial a number on her scroll. She tapped her foot anxiously as the ringtone went on. Finally, someone picked up.

"Hello?"

"Ruby," she said with relief.

"W - Weiss?!"

"Yes, it's me. Listen -"

"Omigosh omigosh omigosh, where are you, what's going on, why didn't you call, how are you -"

"Ruby, shut up and listen. Torchwick escaped from prison, and he -"

"Wait what? Torchwick? You want me to go -"

" _No_ ," said Weiss as firmly as she could. "That's exactly what I'm calling to tell you _not_ to do. _Don't_ go after him. I'm back in town, I'm going to handle this -"

"Wait you're here? Where are you? I'm at Mercury Hearts hospital and I'm -"

"Ruby," said Weiss in exasperation, "do you have _any idea_ how witness protection is supposed to work?"

"Some witnesses protect me or something, but I can come see _you_ , right?"

Weiss sighed. "I miss you too, Ruby, but I'm trying to keep you safe."

"So after we meet up, we go after Torchwick together?"

" _No!_ Stay where you are!"

"Come where you are? Where are you?"

" _Ruby!_ Listen to me for just one second!"

Something explosive happened behind Weiss, and her scroll sparked in response. She turned to look, and saw Jaune buried in a pile of very expensive-looking bricks that appeared to have fallen off of the far wall.

She held the scroll back up to her ear. "Ruby?"

There was no response.

Weiss stomped up to Jaune and the other officers standing around him. "Somebody better have a good explanation for this."

"Hey Weiss!" said Jaune groggily. Standing up and spreading his arms to indicate the bricks around him, he said, "This is our main computater! Well, er - it was."

"It got hacked into this morning," another officer expounded. "Triggered a security alert and locked down the elevator - but it only _blew up_ when Jaune tried repairing it."

Jaune hefted an enormous gray war hammer with pink heart stamps on it out of the pile. "With a hammer!" he concluded brightly. Then, looking sheepish, he added, "Obviously, it must've been a Mac hammer and a Windows computinator..."

"And what happened to my scroll?" Weiss demanded.

"Oh, all the police scrolls go through this computerator," said Jaune proudly. One of the pieces sparked behind him.

"So you've just knocked out communications for the entire force," Weiss summarized. Drawing Myrtenaster, she said, "Move over."

Jaune stepped gingerly around the bricks of the computer until he was clear of the pile. Weiss pointed her rapier downward, and a white glyph appeared on the ground underneath the mess of bricks. Then, swiftly, the bricks began floating into the air and reassembling themselves back into their proper construct. The finished product hung fully suspended for a moment before slamming itself back against the wall; the computer screens flickered to life.

"Wow..." said Jaune, stunned. "How'd you do that?"

"It's my Semblance," Weiss explained. "That's a Build Glyph. I have plenty of other glyphs too."

An artificial voice from the computer cut in, "System functionality restored. Security lockdown lifted. Please do not use a hammer next time."

"Got it," said Jaune, tossing the hammer away. It crashed into a nearby desk, shattering it. The officer who had been sitting at the desk shrugged, pulled a donut from his pocket, and took a bite.

"You may use the elevator now," said the computer. Weiss had the distinct impression that it said this as an attempt to distance Jaune from itself.

"Right," Jaune replied. "Basement time! C'mon, Weiss!"

" _Why_ are we going to the basement?" Weiss asked.

"Well, you need a new scroll, right?"

"I sup _pose_..." said Weiss with distaste. As they walked past a metallic staircase, she did a double take - the janitor cleaning the stairs looked completely identical to the boat captain from earlier. He also appeared just as incompetent: there was no water in his mop bucket.

When they reached the elevator, its doors slid open, but several people were already inside.

"Yes, Mr. Mayor," said a disconcertingly familiar female voice. "I'll brief the officers on Torchwick, but I still think he's long gone from here."

The woman folded up her scroll and stormed out of the elevator. Brandishing a riding crop, she whipped it in the direction of an officer holding a stack of paperwork, and the papers exploded every which way of their own accord.

"Meddling fool," she grumbled. "Making me hire some specialist he's brought in from overseas..."

Then she noticed who exactly she was about to walk into. Weiss locked eyes with her like one sniper placing another in her crosshairs.

" _Weiss McCain?!_ "

"Goodwitch?!" Weiss shot back. " _You're_ the new police chief?"

Goodwitch let out a sigh that was more like a wretch. Getting all up in Weiss's grill, she said, "Right. I might not like giving you a job, McCain, but it _does_ mean _you_ have to follow _my_ orders. First one: _get down to the basement and get a uniform on!_ "

Jaune, in an apparent attempt to ease the tension, threw his arms around both women and said, "Are you two old friends?"

Goodwitch raised her arm and tossed him aside. "Honey. Did you put those essential supplies on my desk?"

This, Weiss could only assume, referred to the boxes of donuts.

"Yes, Chief!" Jaune tried to salute, but only managed to smack himself in the forehead and become visibly disoriented.

Goodwitch ignored this. "I'm going to my office. I'll be giving a briefing on Rex Torchwick in ten minutes! Even though he's probably a million miles away from here by now... Do NOT _DISTURB ME!_ " Seeing that the paperwork-wielding officer had finally collected her papers back up, Goodwitch promptly waved her crop and spilled them again. She then whipped it at the janitor, causing him to fly off the stairway and into a vending machine, and stomped up the stairs herself.

When she was out of earshot, Weiss said, "She must be in a good mood today."

"Aw," said Jaune sadly, "I was gonna make that joke..."

Weiss grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the elevator. "Come on, show me where the uniforms are."


	3. Requisite Romance

"Well," said Jaune, "this is the basement."

Unable to think of a snarky comeback to such an obvious statement, Weiss dragged a hand down her face in silent outrage. Perhaps picking up on his surroundings for once, Jaune scurried on ahead, momentarily giving her some space.

Unfortunately, the floorplan was such that she had little choice but to follow him. As they passed a closed sliding barrier, Jaune pointed at it and said quietly, "Coco's weapons request desk is in there. You uh - you don't wanna get on her bad side. You'll be stuck with just a lame regular sword, and maybe a collapsible shield if you're lucky."

"You mean the weapons you're carrying?" said Weiss, speaking a little louder than was necessary.

Jaune coughed. "Moving on..."

They passed a hydraulic platform only to find a second barrier area on the other side of the room. Its sliding gate was also closed.

Jaune pointed his thumb at it as they passed. "I guess Pyrrha's on break. We'll get the uniform first, and then she can get you a new scroll."

They made a full turn in order to descend a staircase. On the way down, Jaune said, "When I started, I had to use a hand-me-down from another officer - I look pretty good in a dress!"

"Please never show me a picture of that," said Weiss.

"Oh, don't worry," he said with a grin, "you'll get to see the real thing at the Christmas party. It's a tradition now!"

Weiss made a mental note to spend Christmas away from the city.

The basement's lower floor was a makeshift gym featuring treadmills and dumbbells, of which a few officers were making use. Against the wall in a central alcove stood a row of lockers.

"I wonder if my old uniform is still here..." Weiss mused. She began searching the lockers.

Stacked inside them were untold numbers of round, flat-topped two-by-twos with pictures of different outfits on top. Sifting through them and tossing the uglier ones backward toward the exercising officers (resulting in at least one concussion), she finally found the one she wanted.

"Well what do you know?" she whispered. "Hello, old friend."

Installing the outfit into an empty slot in her HUD, she was suddenly enveloped in a brief flash of swirling blue lights, and emerged wearing the uniform that had been depicted on the brick, which was built around a white peacoat.

Jaune let out a wolf whistle. "Lookin' good!"

"It'll never happen, Honey," Weiss replied.

Jaune sighed dreamily. "Well - let's go see if Pyrrha's back yet."

When they returned to the top of the stairs, the sliding barrier was open, but inside there was nobody behind the counter.

"Pyrrha!" Jaune shouted. "You in there?"

The intimately familiar sound of innumerable bricks crashing together echoed from the back room. Then sounds suggestive of someone attempting to escape the mess.

Leaning against the counter, Jaune turned back to Weiss and recited, "This is the requisitions desk and evidence locker. The girl who runs it is called... Pyrrha Phillips." He smirked. "You may have heard of her."

"Famous athlete from Mistral," Weiss confirmed with little interest. "Didn't she take first in _every_ event at the Mario  & Sonic Olympics last year?"

"The what?" said Jaune.

Pyrrha herself then appeared on the other side of the counter. Her uniform was composed mainly of bronze gladiator armor, and she had a spear and shield strapped to her back.

"Hello!" she said brightly, her face nearly as red as her hair in embarrassment. "I'm sorry about that..." She waved vaguely back at whatever had fallen and/or broken, which was still out of sight.

Jaune shrugged and said, "It's just evidence." Weiss couldn't tell if he was joking.

Pyrrha lapsed into an awkward silence, staring at Jaune. There was clearly something between them - something, unsurprisingly, about which _he_ seemed clueless - but Weiss wanted no part in it.

Breaking the silence, she said, "Er, hello. I'm Weiss."

"Yeah," Jaune cut in, pointing at Weiss, "it's the girl you told me about! Weiss McCain!" He wrapped one arm around Weiss and pulled her closer, and she immediately pushed him away.

Pyrrha smiled at their antics. "It's nice to finally put a face to the name. My uncle Port told me all about you and that Rex Torchwick case a few years back."

Weiss narrowed her eyes. "And what exactly did he say?"

Still smiling, Pyrrha replied, "Don't worry. There are a few of us in the station who know you did all the real work."

" 'Few?' " Weiss pouted.

Jaune leaned back in. "Anyways, Weiss needs a new scroll. Some problem with the main computilator." He coughed and looked away.

Pyrrha gave him a knowing look as she reached down under the counter. She retrieved a new scroll and handed it to Weiss.

"This is the new police model," she explained. "It will do everything your old scroll did and a whole lot more. With these, I can be in video contact with the entire force all from the comfort of this room."

Pocketing the device, Weiss looked back up at Pyrrha and said, "Wait a second... I heard your Semblance was Polarity..."

"Yes, that's right."

Weiss raised an eyebrow. "So they put _you_ in charge of the electronic devices?"

Pyrrha's cheeks reddened again. "Well, um... there were a few mishaps in the beginning, but everything's magnetically shielded now. So, no worries!"

Jaune glanced at his watch. "We better go see if the briefing's started yet... See ya later, Pyrrha!" He waved, and she mumbled out a tiny goodbye as he left.

As Weiss reluctantly turned to follow, Pyrrha piped back up, "I'll give you a call later to make sure your scroll is working properly."

"Whatever," said Weiss, thinking that if she could ditch Jaune by the time that happened, she would have to ask Pyrrha exactly how he had made it onto the force.


	4. Weisse and Shine

Weiss and Jaune exited the elevator back on the ground floor. It was apparent by the number of officers still milling about that despite ten minutes having elapsed the briefing had not yet started.

"I guess someone has to wake the chief up..." said Jaune nervously.

Weiss cracked her knuckles. "Leave it to me."

She ascended the stairs, and Jaune followed at a much greater distance than usual. On the upper platform, he broke off and went to fiddle with one of the arcade consoles against the back wall.

 _Video games in the police station?_ thought Weiss as she approached Goodwitch's office door. _Only in RWBY City..._

The door was locked, but with a flick of Weiss's rapier, a glyph jimmied the mechanism and flung both doors open. Weiss strode inside, and sure enough, Goodwitch was in her chair, slumped over her desk, fast asleep. The stack of Pumpkin Pete's donut boxes that Jaune had brought in were scattered about the room, all now completely empty.

Weiss considered for a moment what would be the most satisfying way to go about this. Ultimately, she entered her fencing stance and thrust her rapier at the desk, shattering it into bricks quite literally right under Goodwitch's nose.

The chief grumbled and flopped backward in her chair, but failed to wake up.

Weiss blinked. "Really?"

She could hear officers muttering just outside the door behind her. Not wanting to be shown up, she raised her rapier again.

One by one, every single object in the room was reduced to its component pieces, including the very chair Goodwitch sat on.

She fell into a seated position on the floor, still snoring loudly.

Weiss stared at her acidly.

"Okay..." Looking at the bricks now coating the floor, Weiss got an idea. "Then let's try a _really_ loud noise."

Conjuring another Build Glyph, she assembled the pieces of office things into a very large set of speakers. As the radio antenna attached to the top, she quietly uttered, "Please don't let it be _that_ song..."

The speakers fizzled with static, then blared, " _Everything is awesooooome!_ "

 _Great,_ Weiss thought. _Even worse._

At least it had the desired effect. Goodwitch jumped to her feet and peeled a donut off her face.

" _Ah uh who what_ \- McCain! You again? What's so important that you have to interrupt my work? And who let you into my office, anyway?!"

Weiss ignored her comments and said, "You're supposed to give the briefing."

Goodwitch growled and threw the half-eaten face-donut at the makeshift speakers with enough force to return them to disorganized bricks.

"Fine!" She inhaled deeply. "BRIEFING ROOM! NOW!"

The officers gathered at the doorway scrambled over each other and headed down the stairs to the elevator. Jaune was thoroughly trampled in the process.

Pointing her crop at Weiss, Goodwitch said, "That means you too, McCain!"

"I'm going," Weiss sighed. "By the way, I wanted to congratulate you..."

Goodwitch was expectedly taken aback. "On what, exactly?"

"Becoming chief." Weiss gestured around at the donut boxes, the broken furniture, and the video game consoles outside. "Clearly you're doing a marvelous job."

The next thing she knew, Weiss was being yanked through the air by invisible forces, flying out of the office, over the side of the platform, and into the group of officers crowding toward the elevator.

As she got up and brushed herself off, she grinned at the nearest officer and said, "Totally worth it."


	5. Good Brief

The sharp sound of Goodwitch's riding crop rapping on the podium carried over the murmur of the crowd. "Come on, settle down, people!"

Weiss was unfortunately seated next to Jaune. With every officer on the force here, she spotted some familiar faces. Ruby's wild-haired blonde sister, Yang, sat a few chairs down next to another female officer with black hair topped by a large black bow.

"Right," said Goodwitch, "Let's take this from the top. Mayor Ozpin believes we should be looking for this man..."

The holographic screen behind her displayed a mug shot of a tall redhead in a fancy white suit and a bowler hat. He wore a cocky grin despite the circumstances.

"Rex Torchwick."

As Goodwitch continued, the janitor who was also possibly the boat captain escorted a vacuum cleaner in front of the podium.

"Torchwick somehow escaped from Nevermore Island three months ago, but we still have no idea how."

The janitor then turned on the vacuum and began cleaning the carpet, the noise making it impossible to hear even Goodwitch's attempts to shout over it. Finally giving up, Goodwitch pulled out her scroll and tapped it a few times, and a section of the floor beneath the janitor popped up like a catapult, throwing him out through the window with a crash.

"That's better," said Goodwitch. "Now... Rex Torchwick has been a habitual criminal since he was six years old."

Jaune snickered at this. When Weiss shot him a questioning glance, he explained, "Ha- _bitch_ -ual." Weiss rolled her eyes.

"We got our break when a secret witness came forward."

The screen displayed a picture of Ruby waving happily at the camera. Her name, "Ruby Qrowalkski," was overlaid on the image in big colorful letters.

"Secret," Goodwitch continued, "until _somebody_ revealed her identity!"

"It wasn't my fault and you know it!" snapped Weiss, not caring about the attention she drew to herself.

"I don't wanna hear it, McCain!" Goodwitch slapped her crop on the podium. Then she took a deep breath. "Ruby's testimony allowed us to arrest Torchwick. He tried getting away, but was apprehended after he foolishly chose a corgi as his escape vehicle."

The screen then showed video footage of Torchwick, a rather lanky man, hunched up on the back of a small gray-and-white dog, which carried him at a lazy stroll down a road. Police cars snailed along on either side of him with their lights and sirens going, officers leaning bodily out the car windows. One of these, speaking into a megaphone, commanded him to "pull the dog over," and he obeyed in the sense that he drifted slightly away from that officer, stopping just out of reach of the one on the other side, who flailed his arms in an attempt to grab the criminal.

Jaune stared at the footage as though it were the most entrancing thing he had ever seen, and not in the incredulous way that would be expected.

Goodwitch cleared her throat. "It just goes to show what happens when criminals underestimate _my_ ability as a force of justice."

After an awkward pause, one officer in the back row let out an obligatory whoop. This was only followed by another awkward pause.

"Regardless of whether or not Torchwick is behind the current crime wave, he is an escaped criminal and needs to be back behind bars. To help with both problems, I've personally had people install additional security cameras at key locations..."

The screen then began to flash between feeds from these new cameras as Goodwitch listed them off.

"The banks... the museum... Cinder Blackwell's mansion... and of course, the rapier wasp hatchery."

Before anyone could inquire why such an obscure place as the rapier wasp hatchery would warrant an "of course," an arguably bigger problem made itself apparent. On the screen, a group of four young men were displayed, in the very process of stuffing a wasp hive into a cardboard box whilst threatening the hatchery attendant at knifepoint. The robbers wore gray armor, and on the back and chest of each was engraved a different letter: C, R, D, and L.

"Curdle?" Weiss asked herself aloud.

"Cardinal," Goodwitch corrected. "A small criminal gang made up of what were once dirty cops. They - Wait, what?! Uh - BRIEFING'S OVER! EVERYONE TO THE HATCHERY!"

As they had scrambled in, so they scrambled out. Weiss grabbed Jaune by the shoulders, hauled herself up, and ran across the heads of the other officers. It should be noted that she was wearing high heels. In this manner she was the first (and least injured) to make it to the elevator.


	6. Load Bearing Chapter

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	7. Car Weiss, I mean, Car Chase

The police car's engine - already fully exposed in front of the cracked windshield - roared like an Ursa Major as Weiss put the pedal to the plastic and directed the vehicle toward a large inclined plane with several white arrows on it.

Well, roughly toward.

Jaune, in the passenger seat, had one hand clamped firmly on the dash and the other clamped firmly over his mouth, but as the car - sirens blaring - sailed off the jump at a slight angle of forty-five degrees and cleared several rooftops, he appeared simply too utterly terrified to vomit.

In midair, Weiss's scroll rang, and she instinctively took both hands off the wheel and unbuckled her seatbelt to grope for it. She held it up between her face and the windshield with her dominant left hand just in time to return her right to the wheel as the car slammed back onto the road.

Pyrrha's image appeared on the screen. "Hello again!" she said brightly. "I just wanted to let you know that I've activated the navigation software on your scroll. I've marked the location of the rapier wasp hatchery with -"

"Wait, wait," Weiss interrupted over the scream of a diving pedestrian, "why wasn't it activated from the start?!"

"Well, uh . . ."

"Pyrrha," said Weiss firmly, taking her other hand off the wheel to shake her finger like a disapproving teacher. "Activate _all_ scroll features _now_ , thank you."

"Um - okay, sure. Hold on." Pyrrha's image blipped off.

Weiss sighed and tossed the scroll into the back seat, gripping the wheel with both hands again just as a mailbox exploded into bricks in front of her.

"Weiss?" Jaune squeaked.

"What?" she growled.

Jaune pointed into the side mirror. "I think you made the chief angry. Er."

Weiss, her side mirror having snapped off, glanced into the rear-view. Coming up behind them was Goodwitch, standing upright on a segway. A _police_ segway. With lights and sirens. Moving at - Weiss glanced at the speedometer - roughly seventy-three miles per hour.

Goodwitch took the segway off a jump, and after a few seconds of being out of sight, landed right in front of them with a thud.

Moving backwards.

Still at seventy-three miles an hour.

Goodwitch stuck her tongue out at Weiss, jump-spun the segway around, and continued forward without losing speed.

Weiss removed her hands from the wheel and cracked her knuckles.

"Not this time, Marian," she said.

"Who's Marian?" asked Jaune, before being thrown back against his seat by the acceleration.

"That's Goodwitch's first name," Weiss explained, before yanking the wheel to the left, causing the car to shoot up a nearby staircase and onto the side of a house. Gravity refused to let it remain there for long, but after rolling sideways through the air, it managed to land on its tires just in front of Goodwitch.

Weiss leaned out the window, looked backwards, and stuck out her tongue.

When she turned forward again, she spotted a blue van peeling out just in front of the rapier wasp hatchery. She slammed her foot on the gas again, giving chase. Goodwitch, it seemed, let her have this one and stopped at the hatchery.

Surprisingly enough, the presumed getaway driver proved reckless enough to give Weiss a proper competition. Slinging down alleys with barely-decreased speed, the pursuit took them through a (thoroughly occupied) basketball court before Weiss scored the first hit, slamming the front of her vehicle into the side of the van. A very unfortunate basketball player found himself sandwiched between the two, but was freed (to go flying overhead) by the partial structural collapse of the van.

Jaune stuck his head out the window and yelled "Sorry!" to the poor guy, then ducked back in to avoid losing his head to a lamppost.

The criminal didn't give up, though. Tires squealing, Weiss followed him back onto a main road (going against the flow of traffic) and down toward the docks. Having to weave through other cars, the suspect lost some ground, and Weiss rammed him again, scattering more bricks from his ride. The guy threw himself into reverse and managed an escape, heading toward ABRN Bay Bridge.

"Oh no you don't!" Weiss pulled out her rapier and held it out the window, pointing it backwards. Behind her car, the bricks that had broken off of the getaway van were collected by a Build Glyph, and, flying down the road after Weiss, formed themselves into what appeared to be the back end of a space shuttle. With a flick of Myrtenaster, Weiss attached this to the back of her vehicle, and it immediately began spewing flames.

The speedometer needle shot to the right and eventually snapped off.

This time, when the cars collided, both completely shattered, and Weiss, Jaune, and the criminal went tumbling down the road with bricks raining around them. The suspect tried to get up and flee, but Weiss, while upside down in midair, cast another glyph beneath him, which conjured a pair of glowing white handcuffs around his wrists, and also seemed to glue his feet to the ground.

Weiss landed on her feet in front of him and stowed Myrtenaster. Jaune landed on his face in a dumpster.

The suspect had brown armor and a dopey face. Glaring at Weiss with his squinty eyes, he said, "You won't get away with this. The crooks run this town now."

"So you admit you're a crook," said Weiss, pulling a tape recorder out of her peacoat. "That's one step done. Jaune!"

Jaune poked his garbage-covered head out of the dumpster.

Weiss snapped her fingers at him and pointed at the wreckage of the cars. "Scroll," she commanded.

Whilst Jaune climbed out and searched for her scroll, cars were forced to maneuver around the scene. Weiss tapped her foot. Finally, Jaune handed her the scroll.

Weiss found the redial feature and used it to summon Pyrrha's image. "Pyrrha," she said, "I caught one of those CRDL clowns. Looks like he was just a distraction, though - no wasps here."

"Okay," Pyrrha responded, "hold your scroll out for a minute so I can scan him."

Weiss did so, and a triangle of light was emitted from her scroll onto the criminal's head. As it moved down to his feet, information popped up on the screen.

"Dove Bronzewing," said Pyrrha. "He's CRDL alright. This time we should have enough evidence to convict him."

"What about the other three?" asked Weiss impatiently.

"Well, the chief is already chasing Sky Lark through a shrubbery maze, and we don't -" She was interrupted by a small beeping sound. "Oh. Here we go. Reports are just coming in of a suspicious character with a green mohawk down at the shipyard. That will be Russel Thrush, the number two of the gang."

"I'm close by," said Weiss. "I'll find him." She terminated the call.

Jaune cleared his throat. "So, are we walking, or -"

"Not we," said Weiss. Waving her hand at Bronzewing, she explained, "You watch this one. I'll get the other one." Moving closer and glaring Jaune dead in the eye to make sure she got her point across, she concluded, " _Stay. Here._ "

Jaune smiled and gave her a thumbs-up. "Don't worry, Weiss, you can count on me."

Weiss made mental preparations to have to recapture Bronzewing. Then she pretty much did that thing from _Captain America: Civil War_ where Bucky grabs the motorcycle from the guy and gets on it, and she rode it down toward the docks.


	8. Russel Up Some Grub

Weiss arrived at the docks on the motorcycle, which after the brief drive was now more of a unicycle. Unsurprisingly given how quickly events had unfolded, the ship that had brought her back to RWBY City was still docked where she had last seen it. As she scanned hawkishly for signs of trouble, a civilian approached her.

"Whoa, hey, uh - Officer! Can ya do me a solid?"

Weiss glared daggers at him - well, rapiers really - and replied sweetly, "What is it?"

The longshoreman, seemingly too slow to recognize the danger, gestured at the gate that now blocked the way onto the dock where Weiss had first arrived. "The uh, gate lockin' mechanism busted. I need to find a way through there."

As he spoke, Weiss spotted behind him several conical, lime green structures protruding from behind one of the cargo crates aboard the ship, like the fin of a punk rocker shark. With a grin that would have sent sharks of all musical tastes scattering, Weiss said, "Leave it to me."

Before the dockworker could reply, Weiss ran toward the gate and held Myrtenaster forward. A small glyph appeared around the locking mechanism, spinning one way and then the other. Just as she arrived, the gate flew open.

Weiss conjured another glyph below her foot which rotated slightly to redirect her toward the loading platform without losing momentum. However, before she got much farther, something giant and black crashed down in front of her, splintering the wood beneath it.

A Nevermore half the size of the boat, it flailed rather pitifully - it seemed in its death throes. Just as Weiss looked up, the top of a small, orange-haired, female figure rose into her line of sight, standing on the bird's back. She was wearing a pink-and-white police uniform, and as Weiss watched she hefted a huge, familiar-looking gray hammer over her shoulder.

"That's what you get for taking my sammich!" she yelled down at the bird, which cawed weakly back. After a swing of the hammer that sent three-foot waves rippling out from beneath the dock, the Nevermore coughed up a small sandwich and dissolved into black smoke.

And before Weiss could inquire anything of the officer, she grabbed the sandwich, shoved it in her mouth, stood on the head of her hammer, pressed a switch on the handle, and was blasted out of sight by an explosion of pink mist, her giggling echoing into the distance.

Weiss smiled in spite of herself. "This city never changes," she muttered.

The sound of a splash returned her attention to the task at hand, and she glanced down at the water to see the green-mohawked criminal swimming pseudo-stealthily toward a rocky alcove.

No problem.

With Myrtenaster angled downward, a glyph appeared beneath Weiss's feet, which carried her along the dock like a hoverboard. She didn't move toward the target, though: she glided through the gate and around a building to the other side of the rock formation, arriving just in time to intercept the crook with another handcuff-conjuring Arrest Glyph.

Sheathing her rapier and pulling out her scroll, Weiss gave Russel Thrush a smug look as she scanned his information into Pyrrha's database. He offered no words, communicating his opinion of the situation with but a sour expression.

"Right," said Weiss once the scan was complete, "we can do this the easy way, _or the hard way._ "

Thrush sighed. "Fine, I'll take the easy way. Cardin has the wasps, alright? He's heading for the top of the broadcast station." After a pause, he inquired cautiously, "So . . . do I get a nice cell now?"

"No," Weiss snapped. Then, turning around and speaking to herself, she added, "Wow, that really was the easy way."

Thrush struggled ineffectually against the ethereal handcuffs as Weiss opened Pyrrha's line again.

"Pyrrha, I got Thrush, and he says the leader's taking the wasps to RWBYCTVBC HQ. The rooftop, apparently. Do you guys have any working choppers?"

Pyrrha started to answer, but she was interrupted by another window opening on Weiss's scroll, sporting the face of Chief Goodwitch.

"Not so fast, McCain! There's a huge roadblock on ABRN Bay Bridge, and the rookies are making a mess of it. You're nearby, so go straighten that out!"

A third window squeezed its way onscreen and Jaune chimed in, "Hey, great work, Weiss! I was watching from up here! And it's a good thing we got these guys, because . . ." He stopped for several seconds of chortling before finally continuing, "They were breaking the _cardinal rules!_ "

His even larger fit of laughter was quickly drowned out by Goodwitch's cry of, " _Honey, stop yanging around Hang!_ I mean -"

Weiss ended the call and begrudgingly looked up at the enormous red suspension bridge. If she got this over with quickly enough, maybe she could still get back in time to catch this Cardin guy.

Another passerby was summarily relieved of his motorcycle, though this one turned out to be more of a moped with a towering stack of steaming pizza boxes tied haphazardly on the back. Weiss reached behind herself without looking and extracted a slice of pizza while popping a wheelie.

She took a bite and spat it out.

Anchovies.

With a flick of Myrtenaster, the string was cut, and the pizzas were splattered all over the road behind her, one hitting the moped's previous occupant squarely in the face just as he was about to protest.


	9. Rosy Speed Blast From the Past

The pizza delivery bike fell apart under Weiss's feet just as she arrived at one end of ABRN Bay Bridge.

Police and civilian cars were caught in a hopeless jam, the drivers honking and leaning out of their windows to shout.

Weiss took a deep breath, cracked her knuckles, and drew her rapier.

Moving the sword like a conductor's baton, she conjured glyph after glyph underneath car after car. The glyphs moved and lifted the cars over and around one another, rearranging them into an equidistant grid pattern. The drivers who shouted at Weiss in protest, or just surprise, were answered with whiplash. Of course, so was everyone else.

Finally, the road was clear, except for the warning signs stretching across the bridge. Weiss scanned the plethora of dizzy drivers in an attempt to locate the highest-ranking officer present, but before she could, something red streaked past her and crashed right through the barriers.

As Weiss waved the dust out of her face, red rose petals drifted down through the air around her.

"Ruby," she said, her voice indicating every possible emotion at the same time.

With a flick of her wrist, she conjured a glyph under the nearest car. The glyph picked the car up, shook its driver out over the side of the bridge, and deposited the car next to Weiss.

She got in, slammed the door, practically broke the shift lever, and put the pedal to the metal.

As she shot forward, she assessed the vehicle. A generic blue car. No nitrous boost, but it should be able to catch up. Unless Ruby was really pushing it.

The further Weiss got along the bridge, the closer the red blur that was her quarry drew. It wasn't until the bridge ended and they reached the mountain road on the other side that she got close enough to make out Ruby's combat skirt.

"RUBY!"

Ruby turned around to look, tripped, and ended up lying prone on the hood of Weiss's appropriated vehicle.

"Hi Weiss!" she said brightly.

Weiss couldn't see past her, so she slammed on the brake, but the car's prior speed sent it spinning sideways in circles. As it did so, the rose petals that Ruby had been generating fluttered around it, taking on heart shapes. Everything seemed to go into slow motion as Ruby and Weiss gazed into each other's eyes.

Then reality intruded on the tender moment as the car broke through the guard rail and plummeted toward the ocean. Weiss shoved the door open and somehow managed to grab Ruby's wrist while clambering out; she conjured a glyph to stand on and watched the car splash down into the water below. Then she had the glyph carry herself and Ruby back up onto the road.

Panting, Ruby said, "Can we do that again?"

Weiss's face flushed with anger.

"You are _so_ childish! And dimwitted, and hyperactive, and . . . _and_ . . ."

"Naive?" Ruby suggested. "Reckless? Imbecilical?"

Weiss sighed. "What are you doing out here, anyway?"

"I thought you wanted me to leave town."

"No, I _wanted_ you to stay in witness protection. And Bluebell is still technically a district of the city."

"Actually, I was going to Patch Meadows, you know, to say goodbye to my dad . . ." Ruby folded her hands behind her back and rubbed one foot against the ground demurely.

Weiss stiffened. "Don't. Don't you pull that cute stuff. I'm trying to keep you safe, Ruby."

"I know . . ."

Weiss's scroll rang. Reluctantly, she answered it.

"What happened with the roadblock, Weiss?" Pyrrha asked.

Weiss shot a glare at Ruby, who cranked up the cute factor, necessitating that Weiss look away lest she succumb. "I dealt with it."

"Okay, well . . . Listen, we think we've spotted Cardin Winchester climbing the TV building, but, well, Jaune wanted to play with the helicopters the other day, and, um . . ."

"None left?"

"Right. So, my uncle Port is the sheriff of Bluebell National Park, and he's got some of the department's old Grapple Guns."

"Grapple Guns?" said Weiss with distaste. "That's ridiculous; I'll just use my Semblance."

"Oh . . ." said Pyrrha. "Alright then . . . Tell you what: I'll send Jaune down to pick up the Grapple Guns for the rest of the force, while you go after the suspect."

"Good," said Weiss. "I'll call you back when he's in custody." She hung up.

"So . . ." said Ruby. "Can I help you catch the bad guy?"

"Absolutely not. It's the broadcast station, Ruby; there'll be cameras everywhere." Weiss rubbed her forehead for a moment. "Listen, I'll take you back to the station, okay? Wait there for me - _and I mean wait there_ \- and we'll figure out what to do with you after I'm done with this Winchester guy."

Ruby squealed and trapped Weiss in a bear hug. "Thanks, Weiss, you're the best!"

"Of course I am."

Weiss waited for Ruby to release her, then looked up and down the road. "Now, we just need a car to get back . . ." A semi-truck approached from the Bluebell side, and Weiss raised her hand to wave it down.

"Ah!" Ruby grabbed Weiss's wrist. "If you don't mind . . . I'll drive."


	10. Calls of Duty

Back at the station, Ruby looked around in wonder, admiring the weapons of the officers loitering around.

"Look, Weiss!" she squeaked. "She's got a fire sword!"

"Kitschy," said Weiss, not bothering to look. Grabbing Ruby's pointing hand, she held it in her own and turned Ruby toward her. "Listen, Ruby. Please - _please_ \- stay here until I get back. Okay?"

Ruby's cheeks reddened at the sincerity. "Fiiiiiiiine."

Weiss nodded. Then, when her hand released Ruby's, it snapped toward the nearest officer and she said, "You."

He blinked. "Me?"

Weiss pointed back at Ruby. "Babysit her."

"Hey!" Ruby protested. "I'm not a baby!"

Weiss unclipped her keys from her peacoat's belt and jingled them over Ruby's head, which served to distract her from the conversation. Looking back at the other guy, Weiss explained, "Don't take your eyes off her for a second, or she'll bolt."

"Um . . ." said the officer. "I mean, my shift is supposed to be over in -"

With her free hand, Weiss held up a silencing finger. "Don't speak unless spoken to."

"But - you _are_ speaki - _mmph!_ " He was cut off by an Arrest Glyph, the ethereal handcuffs conjured directly over his mouth.

Satisfied as she would ever be, Weiss shot one last warning look at Ruby, who grinned toothily back and waved goodbye. Weiss fought her own smile fiercely, but it won.

Outside, she made for the semi that Ruby had driven there. Unfortunately, something else beat her to it.

A black shadow sailed into the cabin of the truck, and a white mask with a single yellow eye popped into existence over the exterior of the windshield. The tires stretched out on their axles, and the truck stood up on its rear wheels (shrugging off its long trailer) and turned and walked into the road. As it strolled along, it kicked and swiped at any other cars that it encountered, shattering the smaller ones entirely and taking chunks out of the larger.

Weiss let out a beleaguered sigh. Pulling out her scroll, she wondered aloud, "Who'm I gonna call . . . ?" Deciding on an answer, she tapped the virtual button.

"Hello again!" said Pyrrha again.

"Are you gonna say that every time?" Weiss complained, but then she shook her head and moved on before Pyrrha could answer. "I'm out of cars. Is there somewhere I can get one?"

"Um, where are you?"

"I'm just right outside the station."

"Let's see . . ." Pyrrha typed at a computer or something for a second. "Do you have any bricks on you?"

Weiss looked up from the screen to check her HUD. "I've got a few thousand . . ." she said uncertainly.

"Okay, go around the side of the building for me." Weiss grumpily complied. "Do you see a nice, big, flat, rectangular slab over there?"

"Yeah . . . ?"

"You should be able to build a vehicle call-in point. It's just what it sounds like. For anyone else, it would take a while, but with that fancy Semblance of yours . . ."

Weiss grinned and nodded. "Thanks, Pyrrha." She stowed the scroll and drew Myrtenaster.

With much concentration, she conjured an enormous Build Glyph on top of the plate. As the glyph spun, hundreds of bricks flew out of the pocket of Weiss's peacoat and clicked together in midair at high speed. In a matter of seconds, a large ramp with a computer console had been assembled, and it slammed itself down onto the plate with finality.

Then it began spewing out money.

Weiss glanced right and left. "Don't mind if I do," she whispered, and she flipped onto the platform, letting the studs fly up into her HUD and add to her counter. When she was sure she had gotten the last one, she stepped down in front of the console and started pressing random buttons.

The screen lit up and displayed Pyrrha's face.

"Hello!" she said. "I'm in here too!"

Without further discussion, an air crane immediately arrived carrying a police car underneath it. The ropes holding the car snapped, and it thudded onto the call-in point, bouncing on its shocks a few times.

"Wait," said Weiss, "I thought we were out of helicopters!"

"Well," said Pyrrha, "we need at least one to deliver the cars . . ."

With a frustrated grunt, Weiss conceded the point (and the implication that the aircraft would not last long under her control). As she stepped onto the platform again, the chopper fled like a startled bird. Looking the deposited car over, Weiss cracked her knuckles.


	11. Cardinal Sins

With her car relieved of all but its most essential components (which was more than she could say for any of the vehicles in its wake), Weiss had no trouble holding up her scroll with one hand to scan the passing buildings while she drove.

"How does this work again?" she asked Pyrrha.

"It picks up Aura signatures."

"But how does it know if they're _criminals_?"

"Um..."

The scroll beeped, turning one of the silhouettes a condemning red color.

"Never mind," said Weiss. "Found 'im."

She slammed her foot on the gas pedal and it broke through the floor, getting left behind on the road, but nonetheless boosted the car's velocity. One hand still gripping the wheel, Weiss stood up on the seat as she steered directly into a wall. The car being little more than a flat slab with wheels, it successfully acted as a catapult, tossing her over the wall as it was destroyed ("it" could refer either to the car or the wall here); after a few seconds of soaring like a Nevermore, Weiss caught herself with a sideways glyph, stopping dead in midair, and deftly flipped down onto the nearest rooftop.

The rooftop happened to belong to some kind of eatery shaped like a giant chocolate chip cookie, so her footing was a tad uneven, but she managed easily even in heels.

Dusting off her peacoat, she looked more carefully at the scroll still in her hand.

"He's on the TV building, alright," she confirmed.

"Do you need any backup?" Pyrrha asked.

Eyes locked onto the towering skyscraper before her, Weiss responded, "I'm going to do you a favor and pretend you didn't just ask that question." Then in one motion, she ended the call, flipped the scroll in the air, and caught it in her pocket.

Drawing Myrtenaster, she pointed at the base of the building and slowly raised the rapier up. As she did, a series of glyphs appeared along the tower's stony face.

" _Grapple guns_..." Weiss muttered in disgust as she did so.

Near the top of the building, giant letters spelled out "RWBYCTVBC," with the last few crudely painted onto a giant wooden board which was crudely hanging off the side of the... Look, it's that one Spongebob joke. Smitty something.

Anyway, once the glyphs were done, Weiss conjured one more behind her and jumped onto it. It changed from white to black, pulled its center backward a bit, and then launched her like a cannon at the skyscraper. She of course stuck the landing onto the wall exactly in the center of the lowest glyph, and without fuss began running upward, presumably with her hands outstretched backward since this is pseudo-anime.

As she traveled, a news helicopter appeared and followed her up, a man hanging out one side with a camera on his shoulder.

"THIS JUST IN FOLKS!" he shouted over the wind. "A MEMBER OF RWBY CITY'S FINEST IS NOW IN PURSUIT OF THE CRIMINAL, RUNNING STRAIGHT UP THE WALL LIKE SPIDER-MAN!"

With the slightest flick of her hand, Weiss conjured a tiny glyph that snuck the lens cap back on to cut off his feed. Hopefully he wouldn't notice for a while.

In no time, the rooftop was approaching, and Weiss flipped over the ledge with absolutely no regard for the utterly dizzying height behind her.

It was, of course, a nice, big, flat, wide open rooftop with only the perpetrator around, perfect for a fight.

Cardin was hunched over, oblivious to his imminent arrest. Weiss cracked her knuckles, grinned manically, and strutted toward him.

The tap of her heels seemed to give her away, as Cardin whirled around alarmedly, eyes widening. In his hands he clutched the box labeled "W."

"Game's up," said Weiss, folding her arms and leaning with her weight on one foot. "Hand over the bugs."

Cardin raised an eyebrow. "And no one gets hurt?" he prompted.

Weiss glared. "Don't put words in my mouth."

Cardin sighed, and, slowly, he lowered the cardboard box onto the ground.

But then he drew himself up to his full - considerable - height, and smirked.

"I bet you're wondering _why_ I stole a bunch of rapier wasps, anyway," he said.

"I don't care," said Weiss.

"Oh, but I think you will. You see, my Semblance... I call it Insectromancy."

Weiss threw her hands up. "Hey, what you do on your own time is none of my business."

He didn't falter. "Joke if you like. They're your final breaths, after all."

He raised his own hands to either side, and a stream of wasps flew out of the box, spiraling around him to collect into a cloud over his head.

Weiss sighed, drawing her sword again. "Let's get this over with," she said.


End file.
